Monthly Archives: July 2012

What? Rigor Mortis Already?!

Rigor Mortis [rig-er mawr-tis, or esp. Brit. , rahy-gawr]


1- The stiffening of the body after death.

Origin: 1830-40; <Latin: literally, stiffness of death

We got together last night with a friend of mine that I have known since before kindergarten.  It was funny to sit and look at our beautiful families and think that we were, at one point, as small as our four year olds when we met for the first time.  I don’t remember meeting many people in my life, but I remember meeting this friend.

It was my first ever soccer practice.  I leaned heavily on my dads leg as he introduced me to my coach who, after shaking hands with me asked if I knew how to dribble a soccer ball.  I nodded in approval and she asked me to show her how well I could do it.  I picked the ball up and attempted to bounce it- basketball style- on the grass.  As she tried to repress a chuckle she called this boy I had never seen before over to us and asked him to show me how to dribble.  I watched in amazement as he ran down the field kicking the ball with his feet.  Huh?!  I was so confused.  You dribble with your feet?

He brought the ball back to us and the coach asked if we knew each other.  We sized one another up and shook our heads no while kicking the ground.  Our dads seemed to know each other, however, as they talked and laughed back and forth behind us.  My new friend and I stood there enjoying some little-kid-meet-little-kid awkwardness for a minute until the coach called him over to do another demonstration.

So, anyway, last night after a quick FHE we walked to a nearby park with a wagon full of various balls and some ice blocks.  After a few trips down the hill on the blocks of ice- the balls came out.  First it was the mitts and baseballs, followed by the soccer ball.  It was the soccer ball that made me think of rigor mortis.  After that first practice, I picked up dribbling quickly and learned to love the game but… playing with our kids last night made me wonder if I really don’t have one foot in the grave.  It hurt to move.  I used to be so spry!  Not so much anymore.  So, this morning I had to look up the official definition of rigor mortis just to make sure I don’t have it.  I’m not convinced I don’t, but I don’t think I’m dead either so….  I’m going to ignore the possibility that the stiffness may be due to the lack of activity on my part.  That couldn’t be the reason!


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Get Your Own ADHD!

Did you know there are ADHD advocacy groups out there?  Yep, there are.  Cool groups of people that go around talking up ADHD.  It’s awesome, and I’m right there with them!  I think everyone should have ADHD.  If you don’t have it yet- get it!  That’s what I say.

Now, for those of you that don’t have it yet but are interested in obtaining a customized and personal version for yourself stay tuned…  I’m gonna offer three never-fail tips on how to do it.  It’s easier than you may think.  

First, you have to practice losing your keys, wallet, and sunglasses.  You don’t have to like… really lose them, just… kind of lose them.  You know, for like ten minutes or so.  Do that a couple times a day for a week or two and you’ll be well on your way.  

Next, you must practice walking from one room to another and completely forget why you changed locations.  Hmmm, lets see, I know I came in here for something… what was it?  You then stand there in the middle of the room and turn around a couple of times with a very thoughtful look on you face hoping that you will see something that will jog your memory.  Nothing comes, but you do see something that you had been working on earlier in the day when someone or something came along and pulled you away.  You begin again on that project and just as you pick it up- you remember that you needed this or that from another room in order to finish it, which, you then recall, is why it was left unfinished in the first place.  So you go to the adjoining room where, you forget why you changed locations and…  It’s delightful!  This skill may take a little practice from those of you that don’t have that gift naturally.

Also, you must obtain a certain amount of loathing of paperwork to truly get your own ADHD.  Say, for example, a loathing scale goes from 1 to 10 with 10 being the most you could loath something, you must score at least a 13 or higher.  If you score a 13 or higher, obtaining that special ability to look at paperwork for hours at a time and not do any of it becomes easy.  Not out of lazyness, per se, just rather, because it’s paperwork and you loath it.

So, there you have it.  The first three steps necessary in obtaining ADHD for yourself.  Now, go!  Fight!  Win!  


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