Monthly Archives: October 2009

Almost a Winner?

So, ya know how I sent in a couple of sentences for that contest?  Well, although the judges didn’t like any of mine enough to publish in the paper, one of them did make the “honorable mention” on the Deseret News website. 

Crazy thing is that the one they liked was the one that was written in thirty seconds or less.  I fretted over the other ones, and omitted others.  There is something to be said about over thinking things I guess. 

Here is the link:  http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705339385/Who-knew-so-many-could-write-bad-prose.html?pg=2 

Thanks to Ann Cannon and the  judges for a fun time and for the acknowledgement, every little bit of encouragement helps.

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What I Actually Submitted

As I walked, my spurs jingled like a commercial and while I whistled its merry tune, I could feel through my worn boots the clay baking away under the hot summer sun into nothing but a clinker.
 
 
Legends speak of a woman of such beauty that the angels sigh in her presence and men weep to look upon her, the woman I was looking at however, was not her.
 
 
Two ringlets, tight as the springs on my garage door hung like parentheses around her dimpled face while a pair of eyes, dark as the oil stains on the garage floor beamed brightly at me and I couldn’t help but imagine her perfectly formed bumper tautly gripping the seat next to me as we escape, top down, in an Italian sports car along a winding Pyrenees mountain pass.

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Worst Openings Ever!

So, I’m planning on entering a couple of sentences in a contest of “howling bad opening sentences to the Worst Novel Never Written.”  Here are a couple of ’em.  Tell me which is worst.

The Garage

The door to the shop squealed like the brakes on the car I was working on and as she stepped through the opening, two golden ringlets, as tight as the springs on my garage  door hung like parentheses around her dimpled cheeks while a pair of eyes, dark as the oil stains on the garage floor beamed brightly at me and I couldn’t help but imagine her perfectly formed bumper taughtly gripping the seat next to me as we escape, top down, in an Italian sports car up a winding Pyranese mountian pass.

Or

Two ringlets, tight as the springs on my garage door hung like parentheses around her dimpled face while a pair of eyes, dark as the oil stains on the garage floor beamed brightly at me and I couldn’t help but imagine her perfectly formed bumper taughtly gripping the seat next to me as we escape, top down, in an Italian sports car along a winding Pyranese mountian pass.

Don’t be scared!

I didn’t know fear had a color until I saw it in the dark eyes of the children who were the only survivors of the attack of the great black purring kitten.

Cowboy

My spurrs jingled like a commercial as I dismounted my trusty horse, and as my worn boots touched the ground I could feel the clay through the souls of them baking away under the hot summer sun into nothing but a klinker, and I said so to my horse, but the blow torch of a wind carried my words away as they left my parched lips completely unacknowledged by my horse who, as far as I could tell, was the only other living creature within ear-shot of my voice.

What if I started that one with:

My spurrs jingled as I…

My spurrs jingled ever so faintly…

My spurrs jingled merrily…

Suggestions?

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